Dealing With Divorces Through Counseling

In Judith Wallerstein's book "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" (2000), she followed 100 children of divorces from childhood to adulthood. She found that, years later, the pain of their parents' divorce still affected their relationships, work and parenting.

She found that people whose parents divorced are more likely to be become delinquent, be sexually active, suffer alcoholism or get divorced themselves. However, the real impact of a divorce reaches a crescendo when the kids are in their 20s and 30s and feel despondent, as though they could never expect a relationship to succeed. Before the kids are affected, the help of marriage counselors should be sought out.

Divorces are frequently caused by financial hardship. Therefore, the counselors who could help most are often skilled in financial planning. "I've never seen a case in my 18 years of doing this where there hasn't been a reason to have hope," said Karin Maloney Stifler, a certified financial planner from Hudson, OH. She said she sees a lot of couples who are affluent but failed to save up a sufficient enough nest eggs to keep them afloat during tough economic times.

Karyn Pistone, a financial planner from Beachstone, says she counsels a lot of people who are big spenders, often reaching beyond their means with credit and winding up in massive debt. The advisors say the best marriage therapy is in forming common goals and a united plan for spending and saving.

Another option is to attend divorce counseling with mental health counselors, rather than attorneys. "Divorce counseling" is sort of a misleading term because it's intended to smooth the seperation process, rather than prevent it. If you've tried seeing licensed counselors and realize that there's no other alternative, then counseling for your seperation can help avoid an expensive and hotly contested court battle.

Often divorced couples feel deep resentment over property or the kids, which can be avoided by seeking divorce assistance. With therapeutic help, couples can gain a sense of closure and prepare for their separate futures. They'll gain help deciding upon property division, child custody/visitation, child rearing and coming to a fair agreement.

Sometimes counseling for marriage prevents divorces by laying out simple guidelines, identifying wants/needs and giving the impression of a fresh start. Other times, the rules laid out during a counseling session are broken by one or both of the party, which leads to a divorce regardless.

Either way, at least the couples will take the next step knowing they did all they could to salvage the marriage. Whether reunited or separated, they'll take their new communication, mediation and financial skills to their next stage of life.

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